Famous Robots: Their Final Fates…(An Imaginary Tale)

Have you ever wondered about whatever became of some of our beloved Famous Robots over the years? We have uncovered the truth! (No, not really this is all imaginary — or is it??)

Star Wars - C3PO
*A protocol droid fluent in over 6 million forms of communication, Threepio took his fortune he made with all six previous Star Wars pics — lame Droids cartoon from the 1980’s — action figure royalties — and his short lived cereal, and opened his own successful galactic English As A Second Language School on the planet Coruscent. He was also an unsuccessful contestant on NBC’s Fear Factor as he was unable to eat any insects on account of the fact that he doesn’t have a mouth.

Short Circuit - Johnny 5
*After his short movie career waned, Johnny 5 was recruited by NASA to work in their space programme. Since 2007, he has been sending some beautiful pictures back to Earth from Mars. He entertains himself by doing outdated impressions of people who have been dead for decades and engaging in both sides of conversation with himself.

Lost In Space - Robot B-9
*Robot B-9 finally found his way back to Earth with the rest of the Robinson family. He got a nice apartment overlooking a lake. The rent is controlled and affordable, which allows Robot the luxury of being able to afford to travel. He works part-time as a local crossing guard alerting pedestrians of “Danger Danger” every time a car approaches. B-9 finally realized how super gay he is, and has become an active participant in many pride parades around the world. He has also entered into a loving civil union with C3PO.

Star Trek - Data
*Data continued a long career in Starfleet and eventually became the Captain of his own vessel. In his off time, Data has taken it upon himself to become a stand up comedian and puts on a show every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday evenings in the ships social room. The crew humours his attempts at humour and state that he is just incredibly and ridiculously unfunny. But they’re all stuck in space on this ship together, so what else are they going to do for entertainment on the weekends? Data is aware of how the crew feels about his comedy and he cries every night. Often lamenting at great length in his captains log about it. Then he smiles because he realizes that by crying he feels real human emotions. Then he cries again because he realizes that it means that he is just unfunny.

Small Wonder - Vicky
*When her TV show Small Wonder was cancelled in the 1980’s after a short run, Vicki was deactivated and placed in storage on the studio lot. After a couple of years, the grubby fat kid that played on the show with her bought her at a studio yard sale with all of the money he made from that stupid TV show. Neither have been seen in years. Via a random phone call by an intrepid reporter years later, the fat kid (now a man) was asked why he has disappeared over the years. His pervy response was “if you had a lifelike robot broad who did your bidding would you leave the house?”

Astro Boy - Astro Boy
*Astroboy fell on hard times after his maker died and his cartoon got cancelled. Now a grown man, he moved to Los Angeles and started making ends meet by starring in Gay Porn under the name Ass-tro Boy. Given his strength, endurance, and stamina he became a huge star in pornographic films, and has recently started his own movie studio.

The Day the Earth Stood Still - Gort
*Gort took up street dancing and became a world famous break dancer. Sadly, one day while taking a little nap next to a park bench Gort was mistaken for a trash can and hauled away by the Department of Sanitation.

Futurama - Bender
*A scoundrel and a lothario through and through, Bender continued his drinking — smoking — and womanizing ways for many years. After finally hitting rock bottom after humping a toaster oven, Bender discovered and found solace in religion. Brother Bender now delivers entertaining sermons every Tuesday, Friday, Saturday evenings and two on Sunday.

The Jetsons - Rosie the Maid
*After years of service to the Jetson family, Rosie finally retired when Elroy turned 65 years old. Looking to become a successful entrepreneur, Rosie opened a successful Waffle and Whorehouse — which she keeps impeccably clean! She is also in a committed relationship with R2D2.

Buck Rogers - Twiki
*Beedee beedee Twiki attended C3PO’s ESL school beedee beedee and developed a firm confidence in public speaking beedee beedee. He won the role of Puck in a future presentation of William Shakesphere’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream — beating out many others beedee beedee. Tragically, Twiki met his unfortunate end when he was mauled and torn into a million pieces beedee beedee, and then heavily urinated on, by an irate mob at Comic Con beedee beedee. When asked why by authorities, the angry mob offered only one reason for an explanation…because Twiki is the worst piece of beedee beedee ever imagined for a blatant rip-off character. No charges were laid as the investigating officer fully agreed with the mob’s assessment. Twiki was missed by no one.

DC Comics - Skeets
*After years of travelling through time on adventures with companion superhero Booster Gold, little Skeets put the heroing behind him and got a job as a Natural History Museum tour guide. He got arrested in 2011 for attempting to have sex with a robot vacuum cleaner in public while high. He is out on 2 year probation but is very lonely.


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